I want to do everything all at once.
I want to play a game, watch a movie, write code, read, and listen to music simultaneously.
My brain craves all of it, right now, in this moment. But I can’t. I’m stuck in linear time, forced to choose one thing and let the others wait.
Maybe this is an ADHD thing?
The Simultaneous Desire
I don’t mean I want to do many things in sequence. I want to experience them all at once.
My attention wants to split into parallel streams, each fully engaged in a different activity.
I want to feel the controller in my hands while my eyes track a movie scene, my fingers typing code, my mind processing words from a book, and my ears absorbing music.
All of it. All at once.
But I’m human. I can only focus on one thing at a time, even with ADHD’s tendency toward distraction.
The distraction isn’t the same as true simultaneity. It’s just rapid switching, which leaves me unsatisfied.
The Quantum State
In quantum physics, particles can exist in multiple states simultaneously until observed. Once you measure them, they collapse into a single state.
My desires exist in a quantum state. All possibilities are present at once, vibrating with potential.
But the moment I choose, everything collapses into a single reality. The game I’m not playing disappears. The movie pauses. The code waits. The book closes. The music stops.
I’m left with one thing, and the weight of all the things I’m not doing presses against me.
The ADHD Connection
I have ADHD. My brain seeks constant stimulation. Maybe this simultaneous desire is just that need amplified.
My mind wants so much input that it imagines having it all at once.
But even with ADHD, I can’t truly multitask. Research shows that what we call multitasking is really task-switching, and it comes with a cost.
Each switch reduces efficiency and increases errors.
So I’m left wanting something impossible. My brain wants quantum existence, but my body is stuck in classical physics.
The Frustration
The frustration isn’t just about choosing. It’s about the awareness of all the things I’m missing while I’m doing one thing.
I can feel the game calling to me while I read. I can hear the music I’m not listening to while I code.
It’s like having multiple conversations at once, except I’m the only one talking. Each activity wants my full attention, and I want to give it, but I can only give it to one at a time.
The Acceptance
I don’t have an answer. I don’t know if this is ADHD or something else. I don’t know if I can change it or if I should try.
What I do know is that I’m aware of it. I notice when my mind wants to split itself into parallel streams.
I notice the frustration when I can’t. I see the weight of all the things I’m not doing.
Awareness is enough. Maybe noticing the quantum state of my desires is the first step toward something else.
Or maybe it’s just how I am, and I need to accept that I’ll always want more than I can have.
I want to do everything all at once. I can’t. But I can notice the desire, acknowledge it, and then choose one thing anyway.